At any moment, someone’s aggravating behavior or our own bad luck can set us off on an emotional spiral that threatens to derail our entire day. Here’s how we can face our triggers with less reactivity so that we can get on with our lives. One of the 12 Steps is making amends, and living amends that action is intended to heal both parties involved. Nelson Mandela understood that truth and reconciliation was the only true path forward for a nation that had experienced so much trauma. This tends to result in enhanced relationships and repairing ones that were injured.

• You have to put in the work to repair the damage and heal those relationships.
• You can also turn to AA’s Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (the 12 & 12) for guidance specific to Step 8.
• They can make a living amend to change their lifestyle, get sober, and stop stealing from their parent.
• Many people think of making amends as simply apologizing for whatever wrongs they did in their using, however an apology is not an amend.
• State how you are taking personal responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused.

What Does Step 9 (Making Amends) Have To Do With Sobriety?

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• Perhaps while you were in active addiction, you betrayed your loved one by stealing money from them.
• Many times, these kinds of promises serve to alleviate the wrongdoer’s guilt and so that they can say they apologized before their loved one died.
• What is most important is that you start the process of forgiveness—of you forgiving yourself and of your loved ones forgiving you.
• If you’re following the 12 Steps, making a list is Step 8.

That is, you can’t push it to the side or avoid it because of embarrassment. The problem is there, and that person is in front of you right now. The goal in making amends is “to freely admit the damage we’ve done and make our apologies,” according to The Big Book. In some cases, making amends may mean paying or promising to pay “whatever obligations, financial or otherwise, we owe,” the Big Book also states. An example would be telling someone how sorry you are that you stole from them and actually giving back what you took. New Life House has helped young men stay sober for over 35 years.

Step Series

However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. Often, people with substance use disorders cause harm to others, either intentionally or inadvertently. Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people https://ecosoberhouse.com/article/how-to-taper-off-alcohol/ in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible. In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery. When I first came to recovery, I was certain steps 8 and 9 would be a breeze.

The List Of Wrongs

Don’t settle for an apology.

Fulfill your promises.

• Be willing to listen to the other person’s point of view.
• One of the most common reasons people want to make living amends is to correct past wrongs.
• I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but if not, I understand.

Direct Amends